Why It’s Taken Me Two and a Half Years To Start to Understand

Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. – 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 (NLT)

I mentioned recently that I’m really into Oswald Chamber’s My Utmost for His Highest this year. A friend gave me a small leather bound version of the devotional back in 2010, when I quit my previous career to step out and follow a crazy dream to share God’s love with hurting people.

Seriously, guys… I’m pretty good when it comes to reading things that were written before my time. But I would open this book, stare at it like it was Latin, and close it back up again and move on to another devotional. For two and a half years. It just wasn’t the right time.

Apparently 2013 is the right time, because I’m loving it to no end. [Can we also talk about how apparently 2013 – two and a half year after my big step of faith – is the year I’m starting to feel courageous enough to serve hurting people?!] That verse up there comes from February 4th’s devotional, only I’m using a modern translation.

Then Oswald Chambers goes on to say this:

When we are born again of the Spirit of God, the note of testimony is on what God has done for us, and rightly so.  But the baptism of the Holy Ghost obliterates that forever, and we begin to realize what Jesus meant when He said, ‘Ye shall be witnesses unto me.’ Not witnesses to what Jesus can do – that is an elementary witness – but ‘witnesses unto me.’

When I was first truly walking with Christ and giving my life to Him, I was amazed at everything He was teaching me and how He could change me. Then He healed me of serious illness, and I wanted the whole world to know.

Over time, I’ve seen healing wasn’t the final thing. It’s not the ultimate blessing that could have come from that experience (though I love being healthier than I was). Knowing God’s great love is the real blessing from all of that. Walking with Him, giving Him praise through the hurting and through the healing, giving all things to Him, living for Him, acknowledging Him in all of my ways, and then telling everyone how awesome He is just because He’s awesome, and loving them the way that He loves me – that’s the most important thing that’s come out of that experience.

It’s taken several more phases of illness, and then better health, and then illness, and then better health, for me to start to grasp any of that. Even though I still hate going through any phase of illness and still cry out for help day and night, I see God bring me through each of those phases a little more refined than I was before. Not because of anything I’m doing, but because of what He does. He never brings me through from illness to better health without putting my focus right back on Him, and I never come through it without being fully reminded that God’s love is the thing I want and need more than anything else.

It is the only thing that matters, and the strange thing is that it is the last thing realized by the Christian worker.

When I pray for friends who are going through illness, I always pray for physical healing. But I also pray that they’ll feel God’s love with them at all times, because I know how important that is. That’s when we feel really alive.

I hope all of you are having a blessed day! Thanks for all of the incredibly supportive comments yesterday!

I’m linking up with Sarah for What He’s Done Wednesdays. Her words always make me think.



  1. I have been pondering Gods love the past few days as Bonnie’s word prompt…..what you are sharing has resonated Kim. I thought I understood His love until this year…..when I started letting God love me more….I love the verse you shared at the beginning.. Hugs, friend!


    1. Renee, me too! I think I’m only starting to understand. We have been talking about His love in church, too. So much to roll around in our minds. Hugs back to you! I’ll be popping by your blog soon!

      On Wed, Feb 13, 2013 at 3:46 PM, Steph and Kim


  2. oh kim, this is what i love about your heart. and what i long for as well — to know our Healer far more than i know any healing.

    “not witnesses to what Jesus can do – that is an elementary witness – but witnesses unto Me . . . ”

    what a delight to continue to discover more & more ways our journeys are alike, including daily readings of my utmost — mine, too, in a sm. leather-bound version. 🙂 i started reading it in 2010 & haven’t stopped since. because 2 1/2 yrs after my health crash, i’m still needing to learn these same lessons — over, & over, & over again.

    thank you for your tender witness of HIM, my friend,


    1. Tanya, just want you to know how much I’m encouraged by your faith. These things are always easier to talk about than to live out consistently, and I could not do it without others like you. I definitely have my moments of weakness and have a long way to grow.

      Sent from my iPhone


  3. It’s strange Kim, it seems ever since I got sick 9 months God has used the time to draw me to him. But on the other hand it has left me so bitter and frustrated that I feel further away from Him than I have ever been. It’s like He wants me, all of me. And will use this sickness (whatever it is) to draw me deeper into him. And all I want to do is run and run fast. I hope I am on the other side of this one day with a testimony that doesn’t leave me looking as pathetic as I feel. Thank you for your desire to see people healed whole and loving God more! P.S. One of my ALL TIME FAVORITE quotes is from Oswald Chambers.


    1. Hi Sarah! I definitely understand both of those feelings and have been through the whole gamut of emotions around illness. I do trust that He’s not going to let you go even when it’s harder than you ever thought you could handle, and I’ll be praying that you find that healing and wholeness in surrender to Him. It’s definitely not easy for me, either! Praise God that He doesn’t give up on us.


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