I can be prideful sometimes.
I can’t tell you how many times I hear little thoughts like “well if that person was more organized they wouldn’t have lost this and that…” or “well if that person would just pray and remember how good God is they wouldn’t be so worried…” or any other thing like that flit across my heart.
It’s ugly and it happens more than I’m happy to admit.
You guys, I have no reason to be prideful.
I have a serious issue with getting lettuce stuck in my teeth.
I have an unnaturally intense fear of bugs and rust.
And I burn almost everything I cook whenever I’m cooking for other people, just to name a few.
But in case I needed more evidence of my own imperfection, you will never guess what happened on Thursday night. I will tell you, even though I cringe just thinking about it.
On Thursday after work I decided to swing by the Bare Minerals store in Manhattan to pick up some makeup, which was going to be a big splurge for my wedding day. [I’d been wearing a cheaper brand of mineral makeup for the past two years to save up for nutrition classes + the wedding, so this felt like going home. I was very excited.] Originally I planned on just dropping in, picking up my old faves, and grabbing the train home. But as soon as I walked in, a super adorable makeup artist whisked me into a chair and asked me to give me a free makeover.
Next thing you know I’m feeling pretty and walking out of the store with $115.00 worth of makeup.
I told you this was a splurge, right?
This is a happy story up until this point. Because after that, I took my bag full of beautiful mineral makeup, and I hopped on the train home. Except I decided to take the express train so I could try to get a seat and read. And I decided to put my bag full of expensive but totally worth it because I’m in love with Bare Minerals makeup in between my feet – right next to my work bag that I use to carry books and lunch back and forth from the office.
I got seriously submerged in my reading until I got just two stops from home, when I stood up, grabbed my work bag, and ran across the platform to catch the local train to my stop. Just 5 minutes later I got off the stop and looked into my work bag to admire all my fun makeup when it hit me…
I left my makeup on the first train.
I left $115.00 worth of super nice stuff on a subway car in Brooklyn, New York City. And by that point, that train was halfway to Coney Island.
Do you guys know that feeling after something bad happens where part of you is like “It’s OK. I’m going to be OK. Deep breaths. This is OK. It’s not so bad. It wasn’t that bad.” and the other part of you is like “I’M FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW.” That was pretty much me for the next three hours.
Here’s the other thing that hit me right around the same time: I’d been really prideful.
The whole time I was walking out of the store and to the train, I was feeling on top of the world. And in my little on top of the world moment, I was thinking thoughts like, “Wow, every woman should do this. This was such a good idea. I look so pretty right now. I don’t know why any woman wouldn’t want to look this pretty all the time.”
[I told you my thoughts can be ugly and I cringe just thinking about it! And for the record, I can think of a million and one good reasons why someone wouldn’t want to wear makeup everyday, so I hope you will forgive my prideful self and love me all the same.]
Losing the shopping bag was the big slap across the face I needed to come back to reality. Yep, I messed up. Big time. I splurged like crazy and then I left it all sitting on a train.
Here’s the craziest part. For some reason, God loves me enough to be good to me when I don’t deserve it.
My sister, who can only be described as extremely generous in every way possible, immediately sent me a gift to cover the lost makeup and pick some up for her while I was at it. She met me with such grace and told me stories of how she’d lost things too and knew how it felt. I was floored.
And just two hours later, I received another gift from another friend, completely unexpectedly, in the same amount.
It was incredibly humbling.
Guys, I don’t think we always get back things that we’ve lost. And I didn’t deserve to get such generosity from people for my thoughtless mistakes. I have been the “getter” for so much of my life. Pretty much everything I own is a gift. And Thursday night I remembered how blessed I am to have these people in my life and a God who loves me even when I think I’m all that, splurge big, and leave it all behind on the train.
So if you ever see me being prideful again, remind me of that. That should do the trick.
Grateful to have you stop by and read,